Being on this journey, I've come to realize that many of us share the same views, many of the same experiences... we're feeling many of the same feelings, however for some reason, we are keeping these things bottled in (most of the time without even knowing). I, Ms. Grey, am here to share with you my journey. Not for the sake of you, but the release and peace of within myself. I pray that you would be able to learn something from my experiences, maybe you can relate and would like to share with me. Let's read, talk and grow with each other. I am excited to share with you all.
Monthly blogs Voice Inspiration You even get to see my beautiful face from time to time. Let's get to know each other. |
4/19/2021 1 Comment My Testimonial...These past two years have been a journey of pain, depression, self awareness, discipline and most importantly growth. I’ve learned that no matter how much you love someone, they still may not love me the same and I accept that now. I have grown sooooooo much since letting go of those who claim to care but didn’t. Who only used me for my everything. HOWEVER I have gained so much more and then some since learning the art of let it go! Manifestations becoming reality... effortlessly and genuinely becoming the woman I am supposed to be and receiving all that I am deserving of. Read along as I finally get this out and complete this chapter of my healing process. I hope that by my expressing my experience, my story, someone will be able to heal on their own journey. Part One… The Relationship For ten years, I was in what one would call an emotionally restrictive relationship. However, it did not start out as such, or did it? The infidelity began almost immediately after the relationship did (well I called it a relationship). Crazy how two people can be together but not be together. In what reality does this make any logical sense….oh yeah, this society. Society today makes it seems “okay” that a man lies, cheats, and emotionally scares the “woman” they claim to love and want to be with, however always entertaining the thought and/or presence of another each free moment that presents itself. My apologies, I am getting off topic. So the infidelity began a short three months into the "relationship" which is when I should have known to run far far away. Not only did I forgive, but I forgave and forgave and forgave and forgave and forgave until I slipped up and was unfaithful for an evening. Nothing that I am proud of and something that I do wish didn’t happen. It wasn’t worth the few moments of pleasure that really weren’t that pleasurable (the part no one really speaks on). I believe I was more upset than anything because of the person I was to go back home to, that I just needed the touch of another. Fast forward some years and we have a mixture of depression, miscarriages, weight loss consistent crying…let me tell you, ya girl was a whole hot mess! A hot mess that I couldn’t and wouldn’t admit to being (however my loved pointed it out on many occasions)….until now. I know that we all have different experiences with the people we choose to dedicate our time, our money, our dreams and hopes and love into and for them to sell you the dream they believe you want however never really making any true action steps to accomplish said goals, it is not worth the mental decay it puts you through. I was not perfect neither, we all have our flaws and I apologize for the behavior in which I displayed because it wasn’t worth the reaction. You have to learn the art of not reacting and expressing resilience and growth. Many things have happened along the years, all not bad but none of it really good. Incurred some debt, never really traveled anywhere (my life was four walls that often looked the very same). Trapped within my relationship, knowing that I should leave however choosing to stay because the thought of him becoming the man I needed him to be (whenever that may be) sounded much better than being alone. It didn’t matter that this person didn’t support my dreams and aspirations, talked me out of many things I desired but did not pursue…oh the possibilities of where I could have been had I grown some backbone back then. Now, I realize that I was still learning at that time so I could not see the big picture. I was learning how not to live in conditions that I find unpleasant, learning to let go of what does not fit onto my path of success, learning to take the positive out of the situation and spread love and light instead of allowing others to affect my being. One morning in late May 2019, I began crying and crying and crying hysterically until it physically made me sick. Almost didn’t make it to work, just throw up and heat flashes and panic attacks everywhere, uncontrollably. It was a truly unpleasant morning, which however did not start out that way. It began in a loving manner, filled with what I thought to be care and intention to do better. This feeling began as I was getting ready to leave for work as I was staring at the photo of us (that I put up) on the mantel. I must have stared at that photo for about ten minutes and then… well you know now. It was in this moment that I knew that my life needed a change and not just any change but a drastic change! How could a photo make a person that ill? What exactly was going through my mind at that moment that disgusted me that much? I’ll tell you, I was thinking about the lies recently told, the lies that cut through my soul, the lies that broke me to the point where I felt I had nothing left to give. Because, I didn’t. He had taken it all and didn’t even know or want it and here I was praising him and painting a pretty picture for all those looking. I needed to stop it! So, in my process of learning, we had a conversation what seemed to be an understanding, or basically I thought we did, he was just buttering me up until I found out about the next. Any ways, about a few days later, absolutely nothing had changed and the evidence was clearly apparent of this, I downloaded the UHaul app, got a van, packed my things and left! I was no longer going to allow this person to treat me this way, to behave as if I do not matter because you think I wont ever leave. There comes a point in each persons life, when they realize they deserve more and they are not going to put up with the mistreatment and disrespect any further. I knew that my life was going to continue to be the nothingness that it was if I continued to stay and I could not bare the thought of that anymore, therefore it was time to vacate the premises. I didn’t even care anymore that this was my space that I was leaving, I earned this space and you did everything in your power for me to lose it. I willingly relinquish it and to be honest I have not regretted this decision at all since I’ve gained the courage to make it. This was the best decision of my life. Even with the negatives that followed the permanent disconnection, there have been so many positives that have bloomed. I am extremely grateful for this experience however unpleasant it was. The memories good and bad all taught lessons that I still hold on to because without this experience, I would not know what I don’t like, what I will not tolerate, how I deserve to be treated, how to love myself unconditionally first and foremost and all that is meant to be will follow accordingly. I would not know what genuine care feels like or how to be and give such. I have become a better person for myself as well as those surrounding me. I wish no ill will upon anyone, that isn’t right by any means. I wish all those all that they are deserving of and that they find their happy. I will always emit love, light and positive vibes regardless of circumstance. Learning the art of Let It Go.
1 Comment
Nita C
4/29/2021 11:11:30 pm
I love this old you coming back to life new and whole! Putting yourself back to pieces is truly your strong point and I'm proud of you❣
Reply
Leave a Reply. |
|
Proudly powered by Weebly